Living On, Not Able To

Living on caffeine,
Letting go of a dream.

Not able to eat,
This sorrow in my stomachs pit.

Not being able to think,
Consumed by guilt.

Living on cigarettes,
Trying to forget.

Not being able to speak,
Explanations fall short.

Not being able to work,
My mind is a mess.

Living on hope,
Not letting go.

Not being able to focus,
My thoughts are yours alone.

Not being able to forgive,
Your friends for thier narrow points of view.

Living on painkillers,
Anything to forget.

Not being able to comprehend,
How you could walk away.

Not being able to understand,
Why things ended this way.

Living on fumes of our history,.
remembering what you meant to me.

Day Break, Heart Break, For Heavens Sake

Every sunrise I see,
Will remind me,
What could have, would have, should have been.

Every sunset I feel,
Will comfort me,
Slowly bleaching my memory.

Every pair of birds,
That fly overhead,
Remind me that my heart is broken but love is not dead.

Every plane,
That enters my airspace,
Will leave a sad smile on my face.

Every bottle of red label,
That catches my eye,
Will remind me of why.

Every morning,
I awake alone,
Will strengthen me on my own.

Every evening,
I go to sleep,
Comforted only by memory.

Every moment,
I can think,
Will get easier and easier to resist.

Everyday that fades away,
Without your presence,
Will create more and more distance.

Why Do You Run?

Do you run,
So I can repeatedly chase you,.
Somehow prove my love to you?

Do you run,
From the guilt you carry,
Somehow believing you do not deserve me?

Do you run,
For fear of further pain,
Because you think I will not stay?

Do you run,
Because you do not want to be with me,.
Or are you making a mistake?

Do you run,
Because you can not handle the rejection,.
When all I needed was your affection?

Do you run,
Instead of facing your afflictions,
Somehow making me the bad person?

Do you run,
Because you will not put in the effort,.
For what you could have?

Do you run,
Because you truly can not see,.
A future and a solution for you and me?

Do you run,
Because you do not want to try,.
Letting me go is easier,
Than handling my pain and physical distance and rejection,.
it comes along with the scars of your affliction.

Do you run,
Because I can not,
If you ever run back in my direction,.
I'll be there without question ..

Mon Amour

I'm sorry for my lack of intimacy,.
My inability to soften when I'm hurting too often.

I'm sorry for my inability,.
To have seen your most hidden vulnerability.

I'm sorry for letting things get this way,.
I should have let you walk away on your birthday.

I'm sorry for believing in you,.
In your inner strength and maturity when all you did was walk away from me.

I'm sorry you did not realise,.
There is nothing but pain and deep love in my eyes.

I'm sorry that you've misunderstood,.
Somehow you've given up.

I'm sorry that you could not see,.
What you truly mean to me.

I'm sorry that you were hurt,.
The repercussions of your actions.

I'm sorry that you did not come to know,.
I would have carried you through any depression, problem or sorrow.

I'm sorry that it was not clear,.
I would have died for you my dear.

Mon amour I would do anything for you,.
If you actually wanted me to.

Missable

I'm going to miss that body,
Chiseled to my perfection.

I'm going to miss that smile,
Where your eyes light up and your cheeks curl.

I'm going to miss your smell,
That soft scent of power I know so well.

I'm going to miss your laugh,
That whole hearted, belly-filling chuckle.

I'm going to miss your warmth,
The safety in your arms.

I'm going to miss your company,
Always willing to be there for me.

I'm going to miss your touch,
A perfect balance of soft and rough.

I'm going to miss your vulnerability,
Lying in my arms, cuddled into me.

I'm going to miss your chivalry,
Opening doors, pulling out chairs and carrying things for me.

I'm going to miss things about you,
Until they slowly fade, from my memories tainted by pain.

I'm not going to miss your lack of integrity, your dishonesty or your cowardliness,
But I know you tried to love me the way you know best.

I'm going to miss you but right now, it's time to forget.

Mean

I'm mean?
When you're the one too drunk to drive?

I'm mean?
When I'm the only one at your side?

I'm mean?
When I'm finding remedies for your pain?

I'm mean?
When I'm the one who's considerate of your time?

I'm mean?
When you're the one who still doesn't know what they want?

I'm mean?
When I'm the one fighting for your happiness?

I'm mean?
When I call it like it is?

I'm mean?
When I'm the one spending hours talking through and working through your issues?

I'm mean?
When I'm the one who didnt get angry when you stood me up?

I'm mean?
When I'm the one giving you a third, fourth, fifth chance?

I'm mean?
Is that why you've always thought I wasn't good enough?

I'm mean?
Is that really what you think?

I'm mean?
Thanks for being self absorbed, immature and pathetic.