A twisted version of love,
Mistrusting of all that I do,
Sabotaging our growth, our happiness,
Feeling unworthy despite my loving you.
A warped sense of connection,
Keeping just enough distance,
Getting close but not close enough,
Hiding all of you, all that you deem unworthy.
Struggling with intimacy,
Unable to just let go and be with me,
Unwilling to embrace the ecstasy,
Always controlling, always dominating.
Affection used against me,
Withheld and rationed,
If I'm a good girl maybe he'll touch me,
Destroying any confidence I had in me.
No clear concept of right and wrong,
How could you know the difference,
Unable to recognise my kindness, patience and understanding,
Unable to see the truth in all this misery.
Acceptance of all of you,
That's what I offered you,
Loving all of you,
Despite the cruelty you put me through.
I accept you as you are,
I have been patient from the start,
I have loved your abused heart,
But I cannot tolerate it when you pull me apart.
I understand your inabilities,
I empathise with your difficulties,
I held you closer even when you hurt me,
This must be why you're abusing me.
The people who were supposed to love you,
Didn't have the ability to,
That does not mean there is anything wrong with you,
There is a possibility that you've misunderstood me,
Our vastly different definitions of love have led to this tragedy,
I only hope that one day, you'll wake up and see,
That I loved you despite of me.
References:
https://www.patrickwanis.com/12-ways-emotionally-abused-people-love-differently/
https://thoughtcatalog.com/sarah-r-hughes/2016/10/this-is-how-you-love-someone-whos-been-abused/
https://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/a-theory-on-the-role-of-love-in-abuse-fiff/
https://www.bustle.com/p/7-signs-your-partner-was-emotionally-abused-by-their-ex-11862190
