Is it her suspicious evaluation?
Her undercut compliments,
Or her sense of entitlement,
To the man I am with.
Is it the looks of envy?
When he smiles and dances with me,
When he kisses and cuddles me,
When he flatters and courts me.
Is it the judgement?
Does she even know the half of it?
Does he confide in her and what half-truths has he told,
Is it his fault she looks at me with caution and scold?
Has he been with her?
Would he ever tell me the truth?
What is it about her?
Maybe it’s not about her but really about me?
Is it just this woman I am threatened by?
Or is it an overall insecurity?
Caused by knowing the man I love continuously lies to me,
Caused by knowing I’m disposable and worth very little.
What is it about these women?
Both young and old,
Those that threaten me and my love to the core,
Those that make my skin crawl.
It’s in the way they look at me,
It’s in the way they physically threaten me,
Hands all over my lover’s body,
Is it the power they have against me, knowing I’m only going
where they have already been?
Is it mistrust in him, knowing he could be easily manipulated?
Knowing he is manipulative and equally deceitful,
Knowing that he has lied to me before,
Knowing that he’s discarded me more and more.
Is it my own insecurity, a feeling like I’m not worthy?
I don’t think so, because I honestly truthfully know
He will never find love like this again,
I have a gift, a power you see,
An all-encompassing, enlightening
energy.
Perhaps that’s just it,
I’m here to teach,
Not to enjoy the fruits of long term intimacy,
Maybe doomed to be a goddess among the mess,
Never belonging to one but drifting and teaching as I go
along?
