Without Prejudice

This is what it has come to,

This is his final legacy,

This is how we will all remember him,

Reducing me to nothing more than a accused debtor.

You people are sick,

Is it the money that made you this way,

Or is it just a level of dysfunction that's run through generations,

What is wrong with you, seriously?

Is it not enough that I lost Timothy,

Not enough that I lost his baby too,

Is it not enough that you all cut me off,

You must now sue me too?

Not once have you reached out,

Not one morsel of compassion,

Not one ounce of gratitude for me or my friends who spent hours on end walking that river,

Nothing but sheer greed and delusional grandiose narcissism.

How cruel are you,

You've just lost your son, 

How could you not even remotely understand,

The loss I have just been through? 

I cannot grasp it,

I just cannot fathom,

Seems Timothy was right about every single one of you,

I should never have doubted what he said about all of you!

All that is lost

When you screamed at the river,

I cried alone in silence,

When you cursed the currents,

I stood loosing more than you knew.

When you wrote poetry of loss,

Recollecting his being,

I mourned the never knowing,

Never seeing.

While you sat spewing rage at 4am,

I sat haunted for weeks on end,

When you packed up his life that you had for 36 years,

I sat wishing I had more of him.

While you carried his ashes home,

All the while plotting an attack,

I blissfully unware, 

Felt that knife in my back.

While you smother your other adult son,

And hex the river for all that is gone,

I am desperately trying to be present for my little one,

To not allow his life to come undone.

You mourned your adult son,

I mourned him with you,

But I had more to mourn than you,

I didn't just lose him I lost his baby too.

And now I have lost all respect for you.

Be Still

Be still,

No sudden movements,

Lessen your breath,

But breathe.

Be still,

No knee jerk reactions,

Do not let your anger lead,

Find your composure.

Be still,

One foot firmly in reality,

Do not let your mind wonder,

Oh the horrors it has seen.

Be still,

Watch, wait and listen,

There is clarity in the stillness,

See clearly.

Be still,

Still your doubts,

Still your anxieties,

Until you do not need to be still any longer,

Then... tear them apart!