The Greatest of all Evils

 I spent 18 months waiting for you,

Waiting for you to choose me,

To choose us,

You were never going to.

 

Night after night,

The extreme torture if being discarded again and again,

Begging you to prioritize me,

You were never going to.

 

Hours and hours of therapy,

Couples coucellors and trauma specialists,

Desperate for you to see me,

You were never going to.

 

Throwing myself into you completely,

Rearranging my entire life for you,

Wanting commitment from you,

You were never going to.

 

You still don't seem to notice,

Like you've lost nothing, nothing at all,

If only you could see my worth,

You were never going to.

 

My soul has craved you in ways I cannot express just yet,

Nothing but the whore from which you so easily moved on,

I wanted you to love me the way I loved you,

You were never going to.

 

I sometimes fantasize,

That you'll finally realize,

But,

You are never going to. 

 

The Mother of Motherwounds

 Dear Ex MIL nearly,

Thank you for showing me the kind of mother I definitely don't want to be,

Manipulative and controlling using your love as a form of reward or punishment.

 

You should be ashamed of yourself actually,

You've used your son as your emotional support for years,

You have such an unhealthy attachment to him and it's quite frankly really weird.

 

He tried to become a man and build a family,

You made sure to make that near impossible for him to do,

Incestuously you said to him

"It feels like I'm loosing you"

 

How can you not see,

Your absolute cruelty,

Your huge responsibility,

Your toxic reliance on the boy who could have been a man for me.

 

You've enabled his bad behavior,

Feeding him booze for years,

Allowing him to drink and drive and puke up all his uncried tears.

 

You've threatened him,

Multiple times,

Dare he speak up,

Then he's not worthy in your eyes.

 

I loved him you know,

I would have given the world to him,

You've taken that from him,

You've taken that from Jette.

 

You wouldn't have it any other way,

Using your own son and destroying his little family,

Just so you can have him all to yourself, you'll cut him off at the knees, you disgusting human being.

 

You should be ashamed of the mother you have been and even more ashamed of the grandmother you've turned out to be, truly. 

 

Meet the Sacred Masculine

 Gorgeous he calls me,

I blush,

The way he looks at me though,

Says more than enough.

 

He has this presence,

It's hard to quantify it,

Confidence balanced with compassion,

Sacred masculine.

 

He doesn't just want me,

He wants everything that comes with me,

The most important part of me,

My baby boy, my everything.

 

He leads with ease,

Investigating everything about me,

Watching, learning, touching,

It's exciting.

 

He believes in me,

Wants to back me,

Wants to make sure I'm taken care of completely,

How long I've waited to hear the words "I've got you" said with integrity.

 

 

New Moon - New Madness

Complimentary?

Telling me that the woman you're seeing is needy and cannot please you sexually?

Really?

Sickening.

Flattery?

Telling me that you don't want your mother with you in Kruger and then inviting me?

Really?

Disgusting.

Comparatively,

Marie just get's you, unlike me,

Really?

If only she really knew you.

Boastfully,

Sending me pics and videos of you with someone new,

Really?

Having so much fun were you?

Informatively,

Notifying me you're drunk and driving to Janine,

Really?

The woman you were screwing before me?

Psychopathically,

Saying "I can see why your mother committed suicide",

Really?

That low, that deep?

Narcissistically,

Insinuating that I lied about what your mother said to me?

Really, like really?

She's the monster not me.

Abusively,

Justifying, Defending, Denying and Blaming,

INSANITY,

It drove me to literal INSANITY!

Insanity,

Unable to distinguish fantasy from reality,

I'm imagining things apparently?

I very nearly believed you.

It doesn't matter, 

What I say or do,

Or how I say it to you,

I will never get through to you.

Realistically,

What else could I do?

You left me absolutely no choice,

Giving up on a family was much harder than just giving up on you!