Lest you need me

Lest you do forget,

The ways he hurt you,

And tore you apart,

The madness of it all.

Lest you do soften,

Let me just remind you,

He literally,

Cannot love you.

Lest you do find fondness,

Let me help guide you,

He left you for dead,

Knowing exactly the fear you felt!

Lest you do consider friendship,

Pick up the phone,

Make four specific calls,

Those professionals can't all be wrong.

Lest you do start to feel,

Anything other than nothing,

Let me give you the strength,

To seek out other comforts.

Lest you start to believe again, 

That you aren't worthy or deserving of more,

Remember the stack of irrefutable evidence,

That he simply isn't capable of loving you the way you deserve.

Lest you need me to remind you,

You deserve more!

Nothing but Gratitude

There is nothing left to say,

Nothing left to do,

A feeling of nothing,

Even when I do think of you.

There is no closure needed,

No final conversation necessary,

My silence is intentionally deafening,

Potentially because you were never really listening.

I'm not angry,

Not hurting,

Not self loathing,

I'm living.

There is nothing that could change my mind,

Nothing you could say or do to make me feel anything for you,

I am instead really grateful for the experience I had with you,

You were the fire that could have destroyed me, but you forged me instead.

I could have been stuck in my trauma forever,

I may have never realised my full potential if it wasn't for you,

I may never have become the mother I am now if you hadn't pushed me to my edge,

Learning to love myself despite you means I can be a safe space for my son. 

You were the greatest things to happen to me,

And so I feel nothing,

Nothing for you,

Nothing, but gratitude.

Thank you for teaching me,

As painful as it was,

I am now ready for the love I deserve,

Ready for the greatest love of all.

I think I finally see, 

You were nothing more than a stepping stone in my journey,

So I could heal the unhealed parts of me,

So he could love me wholly.

Cognitive Dissonance

You are not my friend,

Not my lover,

Not my family,

Not any body.

You are not my safe space,

Not my provider,

Not my perpetrator,

Not my victim either.

You are not someone I know,

Not someone I trust,

Not someone I care about much,

Not someone whose existence has any meaningful impact.

You are not my obsession,

Not even a part time hobby,

Not someone I particularly like,

Not someone I particularly hate either.

You are not my future,

Not my priority,

Not particularly note worthy,

Not someone I even speak of.

You are not the yang to my yin,

Not capable of holding yourself accountable,

Not capable of really and truly loving another,

Not even a curious about meeting my inner most desires.

You are not capable of the strength it takes to hold my weakness,

Not confident enough to take control and take the lead,

Not capable of fully committing to anyone or anything,

And I got tired of waiting.

You can be anybody you want to be,

You can live your lone wolf freedom,

You can do what-ever you please, 

With anyone, Anyone but me.