Entanglement

I've touched the center of your sorrow,
I've felt the beating of your heart,
I've been to the darkest corners of your soul,
Entangled in it all.

I've taught you about yourself,
I've made you feel something sublime,
I've shown you the depths of the universe,
In it all, you were mine.

I've found the center of myself,
I've given parts of it to you,
I've loved and lost,
Belonging to you.

I've seen the real you,
I've seen that spark of potential,
I've known more about you than was instrumental,
To my own soul detrimental.

I've opened the heavens,
I've braved the gates of hell,
I've come out with a knowledge second to none,
Teaching a select few to transcend love.

I've seen it in your eyes,
I've felt it in your skin,
I've been into your being,
I know your soul within.

I've been waiting,
I've been wanting,
I've been hoping for your touch,
Moving on at a huge cost.

I've lost that part,
I've lost that being,
I've lost the connection, all seeing,
Entangled in what is only a dream.

I've got a purpose,
I've got the love,
I've got the patience and trust,
To finally be entangled again in love and lust.

I've got the strength,
I've got the motivation,
I've got what I need to sever this connection,
The pain of a soul to soul connection.

I've got the foresight,
I've got the confidence,
I've got so much to give,
Finding someone else to be entangled with.

Salt In The Wound

Why do people feel the need to prolong pain?
Why do ex partners feel the need to talk again?

Why would old lovers not make a clean break?
Why would you break someones heart twice for goodness sake?

Why can we not stand by our decisions?
Why can we not see how selfish it is to make contact after cutting?

Why can't we learn to take responsibility?
Why can't we understand that you can't break someones heart and still hold their hand?

Why can't we see the torture we impose?
Why can't we just move on and let go?

Why do we give in to our selfish needs?
Why do we feel the need to make them bleed while we grieve?

Why do we torture ourselves so?
Why do we allow our thoughts of longing to show?

Why do we continue to entertain thoughts of being loved by them again?
Why do we wish, want and hope when logic is what's keeping us afloat?

Why do people allow themselves to go down this route?
Why do people drag us through this pain, over and over again?

Why put salt in the wound?
Why add to the pain?
Why not just bare your own heart break instead of breaking mine again?

Living and Learning

Learn to love someone else,
Prepare for the cost,
Love doesn't come without some sense of loss.

Learn to forgive,
Prepare for the reward,
Forgiveness releases you not them.

Learn to let go,
Fogiveness is not always enough,
Move forward with love.

Learn to be selfish,
But never at a cost,
Selfless and selfish are a balancing act.

Learn to balance,
Life will surely throw you off,
Regain your center at any cost.

Learn to smile,
At whom ever you may meet,
A true smile creates some sense of peace.

Learn to laugh,
Especially at yourself,
Don't take anything seriously if it's not.

Learn to be humble,
Approve of yourself,
No achievement of yours is worth anything to anyone else.

Learn to accept,
Dont fight it,
The flow of life can be violent.

Learn to survive,
Don't become a victim,
Only you can change your situation.

Learn to dream,
Don't belittle aspiration,
Dreams are seeds of inspiration.

Learn to love yourself,
Above anyone else,
You are the only one who truly knows yourself.

I Know You

I know you,
Well enough to know,
You're a coward.

I know you,
Well enough to know,
You'd give up.

I know you,
Well enough to know,
You'll never put in the required effort.

I know you,
Well enough to know,
You never really wanted me back.

I know you,
Well enough to know,
It wasn't longing but guilt you needed to release.

I know you,
Well enough to know,
You really don't care for me at all.

I know you,
Well enough to know,
All you wanted was a way out.

I know you,
Well enough to know,
You wanted to ease your self destruction with my "leave me alone" instruction.

I know you,
Well enough to know,
That the you I thought I knew was never really you at all.

I know you,
Well enough to know,
You were never really going to fight for this at all.

I know you,
Well enough to know,
You'll drink and wallow in your sorrow.

I know you,
Well enough to know,
You'll carry on the same as before.

I know you,
Well enough to know,
You will never catch me but always let me fall.

I know you,
Well enough to know,
You'll always choose the booze.

I know you,
Well enough to know,
That I don't want to know you any more.

What Is This Life Worth?

That little beating heart,
That tiny precious being,
That life that could be.

Who makes the decision,
Who takes responsibility,
Who breathes life into thee?

What makes you ready,
What makes you worthy,
What makes this life worth it?

Can you be a single parent,
Can you give everything up,
Can you do what needs to be done?

When are you prepared,
When does it end,
When do you know this is the best?

Does he have the right,
Does he have the strength,
Does she tell him in the end?

Do they know,
Do they see,
Do they realise she's hiding this from everybody?

Can she survive,
Can she thrive,
Can she feed throughout the night?

Should she go,
Should she stay,
Should she throw this life away?

Does she tell,
Does she lie,
Does she leave it to pass by?

Time is tight,
Time is unforgiving,
Time is the only thing she's loosing.

Do You Feel?

Do you feel no remorse,
Do you feel no pain,
Do you not long for my touch once again?

Do you feel no loss,
Do you feel no shame,
Do you not miss saying my name?

Do you feel no lust,
Do you feel no longing,
Do you not miss being in my arms, belonging?

Do you feel no sorrow,
Do you feel no regret,
Do you really think it's that easy to forget?

Do you feel shallow,
Do you feel hollow,
Do you feel nothing for tomorrow?

Do you feel nothing,
No sense of craving,
No respect for me with the way you're behaving?

No yearning,
No pining,
No need to feel our bodies entwining?

Do you really feel nothing,
Nothing at all,
Nothing for the loss of us.

Did you ever feel anything at all?

This Is Not For You

I owe you,
No kindness,
No favours,
No respect.

I owe you,
Nothing,
No time,
No energy.

I owe you,
No pity,
No understanding,
No forgiveness.

I owe you,
No empathy,
No sympathy,
No integrity.

I owe you,
No tears,
No pain,
No heartbreak.

Yet you ask of me,
Favors of kindness,
Favors of consideration,
Favors of integrity.

I'll break my heart,
One last time,
I'll make the journey,
To where you were once mine.

I'll do you this favour,.
Not for you,
For the sake of my own,.
Let my integrity be known.

What Do You Want From Me?

What do you want from me?
Forgiveness,
Kindness,
Understanding?

What do you want from me?
Release,
Relief,
Respect?

What do you want from me?
Acceptance,
Condoning,
Encouragement?

What do you want from me?
An overture,
An indication,
A hint of hope?

What do you want from me?
To beg,
To plead,
To surrender?

What do you want from me?
Tears,
Weakness,
Drama?

What do you want from me?
Baptism,
Confession,
Punishment?

What do you want from me?
Clarity,
Dignity,
Self respect?

What do you want from me?
Love,
Longing,
Belonging again?

What do you want from me?
Sanctuary,
Soul,
Cleansing?

What do you want from me?
Why do you want anything of me at all?
You've had my soul, my heart, my body,.
You've made it clear you do not want me any more.

Why Explain?

If you never want to see her again,.
Why feel the need to explain?

If you feel she's not the one for you,.
Why feel the need to define it?

If you feel like she's not healthy for you,.
Why not simply walk away, do not justify it?

 If you feel like you can not give anymore,.
Why feel the need to clarify it?

If you actually know what you do and do not want,.
Why feel the need to describe it?

 If you're ready to let go,.
Then why not stand by it?

If you know in your heart that it's best you part,.
The why feel the need to resolve or rationalise it?

If you do not want to work it through because your tired,.
Why feel the need to take pity on what you leave undesired?

If you truly know it's the end,.
Then why not just let go?

If you know the pain you put yourself and her through is going to better you,.
Then why feel the need to complicate it or even make contact?

If you were cruel enough to lure her along,.
Why feel the need to be ashamed or pity her devastation?

 If you do what's best for you,.
She can not blame you for it,.

If she loved you truly deeply,.
She will need no further explanation.

She we will walk away without hesitation,.
If it means you're better for it.

Anything For You

I would have given the world for you,.
Forgiven you a hundred times if I needed to,.
I would have worked through anything with you.

I would have stood by your side,.
Loved you in every possible way,.
Forsaken all others to be yours from this day.

I would have taken care of you for the rest of time,.
I would have protected you from any pain,.
I would have never let you go if you were mine.

I could have made all your dreams come true,.
I could have healed all your wounds,.
I could have been your biggest allie through thick and thin.

I am still in love with you,.
I will always be,
But there is nothing I can do but accept I have been discarded by you.

You've thrown me away,
Rejected my love,
Treated me like I was never enough.

Not enough to keep you,
Not enough to please you,
Not enough to sustain you when all else falls away.

Maybe its not me but your own demons you fight,.
I'll never know the answers but I'm alright with that,.
Walking away knowing I gave it my all.

I always had integrity,
I always did my best,
I never took anything personally,
and never made assumptions.

I take comfort in that fact that no one will ever love you like that,.
Knowing I gave you more chances than you deserved and I never looked back,.
Knowing that to you I was not worth your time or even the slightest bit of respect.

Drinking has always been your first choice and I will never be second to that,.
I'll never be left hanging again for a man that would rather get drunk than make love,.
I'll never disrespect myself again for a man that simply walks away to go drinking once again.
I would have done anything for you but I will not do that.

Do I Understand This Correctly?

YOU are unsettled,

Buy the way YOU ended,

The best thing that ever happened?

I'm on YOUR mind,

YOU have lots to say,

YOUR only concern is YOURSELF in every way.

YOU'RE feeling guilty?

A feeling of unfinished business,

Wanting to clear YOUR own head by talking through it.

Are YOU serious?

Is this a joke?

Breaking up with me then wanting to talk.

Are YOU insane?

Making me relive the pain,

Wanting to break up with me all over again?

Are YOU mental?

My pain instrumental,

YOUR detrimental addictive affliction.

I can not fathom,

YOUR level of self centered action,.

To think YOU have the right to closure at my dissatisfaction.

How dare YOU,

After everything I've done,

Ask more of me for YOUR own peace of mind?

Do YOU ​​ever stop to think?

About anyone but YOURSELF.

How selfish YOU are to think YOU could ease YOUR needs while my heart bleeds.

Do YOU ​​really believe that what YOU'VE done is right?

Luring a girls heart out for a romantic night,.

Discarding her almost on sight.

Did YOU really think?

I would allow YOU to repeat,.

Everything you said last week?

I would have done anything for YOU,.

I would have worked through it all,.

But I can no longer be discarded by YOU anymore.

My Greatest Disappointment

Out of all the talent I have nurtured,.
Out of all the potential I have encouraged,.
Yours is by far the greatest disappointment.

All that charm,
All that ability,
To get anyone to do anything.

All that intelligence,
You could soar,
You ground yourself for fear of the fall.

All that passion,
Pent up, kept in,
Months of working through your outer skin.

All that rhythm,
Dancing trough life,
Choosing to stumble and slur, life moving by in nothing but a blur.

All that masculinity,
Wasted aggression,
Leads to depression and child-like tantrums.

All that potential,
All that talent,
Everything I could ever want destroyed by your inhibitions.

All that balance and spirituality,
Slowly revealing, cracks that shed light,.
On your internal selfish insight.

All that I came to know,.
Led me to one answer,
I touched the center of your soul,.
Only to discover it was tainted, cruel, selfish and cold.

Are You Insane?

All dressed up,
Excitement in my step,
I can not wait to see you,.
And kiss your tainted lips.

Filled with passion,
A deep intense longing,
Heels that flatter,
Garters holding stocking.

Nothing but happiness,
Smiles from ear to ear,
A romantic dinner,
With the man I am in love with near.

Hit by surprise,
Complete disguise,
Two whiskeys waiting,
Defiance and ice like cruelty.

Thrown off balance,
No explanation,
My offer to try and fix it,.
Completely rejected with nothing but a blank stare to end it.

I've been let down,
Disappointed and hurt,
Nothing comes close,
To the pain of dating and alcoholic jerk.

I've been feeling like a mental patient,.
Trying to understand it,
The complete insanity of your actions,.
And the words that accompany your torture.

A week later, you show your face again,.
Not to apologise, not to ease my pain,.
But rather to selfishly get it off your chest,.
To torture me for your own self centered rest.

You chose to disguard me,
Over and over again,
Only to further torture me so you can explain,.
It's probably better if I never see your face again.

Find your answers at the bottom of a bottle,.
Find your friendships at Sunday Funk,.
Find your passion by committing to nothing,.
But leave me out of your insanity.

Forgive, Find and Fumble

I'm going to use every discipline,.
Every technique,
To keep me from begging at your feet.

I'm going to fight the craving,.
Kick the addiction,
Find a way to get over this affliction.

I'm going to tie my hands,.
And steady my feet,
Make sure I'm happier, lest we meet.

I'm going to hurt,
I'm going to long,
Doing my best not to question,.
My every action with obsessive fascination,.
Of how you let go of the best thing that ever happened?

I'm going to miss you in the quiet moments between,.
The smiles and miles will pass by,.
Wondering only briefly what if and why?

It will be a process,
A logical thought out remedy,
A controlled and planned journey,
Forgiving but not fogetting.

It will be a feat,
One I have already overcome,
Climbing this mountain once more,
Doing my best not to fall.

It will be engineered to perfection,.
A healing process,
Ready for implementation.

It will be considered,
Tendered, tweaked and blended,
Designed to console me over how this ended.

It will be no-where-near simple,.
Opportunity for a relapse ample,
Confidence in the princples,
Methodic and mental,
Fighting my "stories" instrumental.