Wednesday, 15 November 2023

Knots of you

This is all new,

Sometimes I don't know what to do,

When you tell me you've got it covered,

And you actually do.


This is all too much,

The gifts, the generosity,

How can you spoil me so intensely?

Taking care of my every need financially.


This is all too good to be true,

When I bring up something that bothers me,

You don't diminish and dismiss me,

What's important to me is important to you.


This is all so scary,

To even be considering building another family,

I know you'll be kind and patient with me,

As you have been.


This is all so exciting,

Feeling like I am actually worth something,

Not having to beg or plead for you to meet my most basic needs,

You seem to really listen when I speak.


This journey is completely different,

To anything I have ever been through,

I am looking forward to walking it,

Beside you.


I know you will protect me and my son,

You already have,

I know you'll empower me and invest in me,

And never hold it over me.


I know you want to provide for me,

You also respect the fact that I earn my own money,

You just want to make sure that Jette and I want for nothing,

Finally there is somebody backing me!


Your patience with me in the first few months when I wasn't fully ready,

Your giving me space when I need,

Your understanding and capacity for empathy,

These are all the things that allow me to feel safe enough to be truly me.


Your taking the lead and taking the load off me,

I cannot tell you how much I value this immense act of masculinity,

It is one of the most attractive qualities you see,

A man who is strong enough to lead a woman like me.


You have a sacred power to which I must submit,

A completely safe dominance,

Adorned in honor and respect,

Allowing me to exquisitely transcend all physical reality. 


My Nawashi. 

It took you two years to finally regret...

You built a beautiful home,

You just didn't build it with me,

You bought a new bed,

To fuck her while you were still screwing me.


You set-up a new life,

Signed a lease for a year,

You had no intention of making this work,

I'm the fool here my dear.


I begged you to move back in,

Begged you to look at your trauma and toxicity,

You did none of that,

You simply used and discarded me.


You blamed me for everything,

Put it all entirely on me,

You said I was the cause of the conflict 

That's why you weren't moving back in with me.


The saying " If he wanted to, he would"

Has never rung truer for me,

You wanted to build your bachelor pad,

You had no intention of investing in me.


You have a lover now,

She knows you better than I do,

She's slept in your arms in a bed you bought for two,

A bed for her and you.


You've got everything you wanted,

The job, the house and soon another new car,

You built the life you wanted,

So why start regretting it now?