It’s 3am,
My body feels strange,
A light surge gets me out of bed.
It’s Brent’s birthday,
I’d like him to sleep in,
He deserves it.
I’m on the patio,
In the cool autumn air,
Again we surge.
I can’t be sure,
But somehow I am,
I thought I’d be more nervous.
I pace around,
Questioning,
That which I already know.
Again we surge,
I’m determined not to wake Brent just yet,
He’s going to need the extra sleep.
Another surge,
Deeper,
Longer.
It’s nearly 6am,
I can’t contain myself anymore,
I want to wake Brent with coffee and presents.
I’m making coffee,
Again we surge,
It’s nearly time to call Victoria.
Gift unhidden,
Coffee in hand,
Good mornings and happy birthday kisses.
Brent slowly rises,
Wipes sleep from his lashes,
He’s smiling and this makes me happy.
He opens his gift,
Sips on some coffee,
Again we surge.
“I think I’m in labour”,
His eyes widen,
He springs to life alert and anxious.
Another surge,
Stronger now,
Victoria deserves another half hour.
Again we surge,
It’s time to make the call,
“Good morning Victoria”
Victoria is calm and collected,
Slightly slurry,
“I’m on my way”.
It’s time to call Jade,
She’s awake and enthusiastic,
“I’m on my way”.
Another surge,
Breathe,
Ricky is dazed but on the way.
Another surge,
Time to call my gran,
She’s excited and on her way.
Victoria and Stephanie are here,
I’m busying myself organising snacks,
Another surge.
Jade is here,
She illuminates the room,
Such love and light.
A sense of stillness,
An awareness,
Of something bigger than myself.
It’s 9am,
I don’t remember the sun rising,
How did it get so light so quickly?
Another surge,
I’m retreating into myself more now,
Tuned into my body and my baby.
Again we surge,
Increased intensity,
Breathe.
The mood is light and joyous,
The love is all encompassing,
The anticipation is tethering.
I’m on the birth ball,
Rocking and rolling,
Again we surge.
I’m 3cm now,
Surging,
I’m blooming.
My thinking mind is completely disconnected,
Fully connected to something else,
Something much bigger than myself.
Another surge,
Brent is at my side,
Holding, Supporting, Loving.
We’re walking around the garden now,
Lunges up the hill,
Breathe, again we surge.
I’m starting to sweat now,
Staring to boil,
Breathe, another surge.
I’m 8cm now,
It’s 3pm,
Time to fill the birthing pool.
I surf the surges,
Riding waves at high tide with an offshore wind,
Barrelling.
The water is soothing,
Comforting,
Forgiving.
Sweating like its summer,
Beyond exhausted but I need to move,
My body won’t stop moving.
I need to sway,
I need to open,
I need to move.
The water calms me,
My body responds with rest,
Temporary recovery.
Slipping into a state of calm,
Of ecstasy,
Of deep inner peace.
Victoria has seen this before,
It’s time to get me moving,
The water is far too calming.
Another surge,
I’m on the toilet,
My body is ready to push.
Another surge,
I’m on the bathroom floor,
Victoria encouraging me to push.
Breathe, Push,
Breathe, Push,
Breathe Push.
I’m moving,
I’m swaying,
I’m squatting and kneeling.
I’m standing,
I’m not still,
My body must be moving.
Surrounded by support,
Oblivious to who’s even in the room,
How did I miss the sunset?
I’m shuffling,
Finding stillness in between,
Breathe, Push.
I’m uncomfortable,
I squat,
I kneel.
Breathe, Push,
Breathe, Push,
Breathe, Push.
“I can’t do this anymore”,
I think, I say,
“You’re already doing it” comes the reply.
Time to move,
I’ve got to get up,
I am not finding comfort on the bathroom floor.
I’m on the bed,
Brent’s body against my back,
An ever present loving support.
Victoria’s hands linked in mine,
It’ a tug of war,
Surge, Push, Pull. Breathe.
Surge Push, Pull, Breathe,
“Dooooooooowwwwwwwn”,
“Surrender and open”.
I’m opening,
I can feel his head,
Blooming but not fully.
Something is catching,
Something is in the way,
Something won’t give way.
Victoria examines,
Applies pressure,
Lifts the cervical lip.
Breathe, Push,
Breathe, Push,
‘Rooooaaaaaaaar”.
Breathe, Push,
Breathe, Push,
‘Rooooaaaaaaaar”.
“Yes Rayne”,
“Beautiful”,
My goddesses guide me.
I pause,
I hold,
I Breathe, I Push.
Primal energy surges,
He’s nearly here,
One final push.
I feel the burn,
I pause,
I breathe, I push.
His head is blooming,
I breathe, I push,
His shoulders are out.
It’s 7.55pm,
He’s exhausted and limp,
He isn’t crying.
Panic,
Brent holds me tighter,
Time stands still.
Oxygen,
Tears,
Fear sets in.
A tiny little audible cry,
Relief,
Tears like liquid love.
He’s on me now,
On my chest,
This perfect little being,
Blessed and reborn,
Transformed beyond imagination,
Forever changed by this divine feminine rite.
