Mastery

When past pain,
Taints future joy,
When scars you thought had healed,
Are re-opened, exposed.

Out of the darkness,
Escaping from the depths of my soul,
Leaking all over the place, a right mess,
Will I ever truly be free, from past pains and memories?

I thought I had worked this out,
Thought I had overcome it all,
Thought I was finally at a point,
Where I believed in myself, my worth.

What exactly is this feeling?
If it had to speak, what would it say?
Why is there still this stinging pain?
Why am I allowing myself to feel this way again?

Sit with it, sit in it, acknowledge it,
Understand it, dissect it, pull it apart,
Process it, give it space,
Hold yourself close through the pain.

Maybe if I keep saying maybe,
Maybe I'll finally adopt a new way,
A new mantra to add to the list;
Maybe, just maybe, I am good enough.

Maybe I'm too much,
Too much for who?
Does that really reflect on you?
Maybe that isn't your responsibility?

Maybe I am simply getting closer and closer to self mastery.

Where do I begin?

There are two distinct acts,
There is before you died,
Then there is after,
Two completely different lives.

I cannot even begin to explain,
Because I cannot begin to comprehend,
What is now and what was then,
Separated, distant, almost unreal.

There is this gigantic shift,
This colossal change,
This mammoth plot twist,
Where nothing will ever be the same.

I have lived a whole other life,
One where you were by my side,
One where everything was different,
I was different, you existed.

When you died I didn't just lose you,
I lost parts of me too,
Parts that were so delicately,
Intricately connected to you.

I don't even know how to word what I feel,
Pen to paper for months has been an ordeal,
The stages, the acts, the pages, as life changes,
Not just a new page, an entirely new book.

Small reminders,
Similarities even,
Whispers in the wind,
Where do I even begin?

Take me there

Touch, like you've never touched before,
A feel, like you've never felt before,
Silk-like finest hairs on silk-like softest skin.

Curves and caresses and kisses,
Nibbles and nipples and napes,
Playful and joyful and soft and shhhhhhhh,
Faintest of moans, slightest of trembles, eyes alight, bright, big, bigger, bountiful...

Sensational sensations of the sweetest kind, twists and turns and tastes of all of, everything.

It's passion, it's pleasure, it's so much more,
It's spiritual, transcending, it's consuming, it's enlightening, all at once, it's fingers down spine and intertwined in laced hair, it's raw, it's beautiful, it's unashamed, unaware, but oh so presently there, not here, not now, not yesterday, not tomorrow only there.